Dear Mary Worders,

It is our


to write this article to inform you of the good, the bad and the downright undrinkable teas in this world (but mostly the good)

Our Top 5 Favourite Teas:

1. Earl Grey → A subtle flavour of flowers that leaves you happy for hours. On a less poetic note, this is also one for those who want a floral flavour…. but not green tea. A black tea… but not tannin-y. An all rounder, the perfect tea.

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2. Camomile → The feeling you get from drinking this delectable blend is as warm and as comforting as hugging a teddy bear as adorable as the one in the picture below.

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 3. Irish Breakfast → This tea is definitely not a subtle flavour, it is not a tea for the faint hearted, but once familiar with the flavour, it is sure to be an all time favourite. It is rumoured that this tea can have more people fainting than a pint of Guinness.

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4. Jasmine Tea → This youthful floral flavour will send you back to your childhood days of prancing through the garden like a fairy and leave you feeling like a princess, ready to be swept away to a whole new world in the depths of this tea (#floraandfaunaforthewin)

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5. Green Tea → Comes in many shapes and sizes – unlike some of the other teas out there, this one is not ‘one size fits all’! You can get it pure, or with lemon or mint if you’re more ‘smart casual’ than ‘trackies and ugg boots’ [Ed: aren’t these the same thing?]

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  1. A BONUS TEA for anyone interested in performance as well as taste… Teh Tarik, one of the many varieties of roadside tea, this is normally found in Malaysia and is made with condensed milk and sugar, poured from cup to cup to make it bubbly and delicious.

An example is:

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Top 5 Teas That You Should Steer Clear of:

  1. That weird berry stuff which smells like lollies → We’ve thankfully pushed the name of this horrendous blend out of our minds, but we’re sure you know which one we’re talking about if you’ve ever tried it (or just smelt it, even) *shudder*

But seriously… if you take anything from this article, it is DO NOT GO OUT AND TRY AND FIND THIS TEA. IT IS NAMELESS FOR A REASON.

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  1. Camomile & Spiced Apple → More like Camomile & Dirt! For the sake of your tastebuds: DO NOT go out and try this one

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3. Russian Caravan → This tea claims to get its name because it was transported by camel caravans from China to Russia, and it apparently got its ‘smoky’ flavour from campfires along the way. We think it would have been better if they’d just let this brew go up in flames before they could mass produce it…or better yet admit that the ‘camel’ comes from the dried camel dung they probably use to make it.

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  1. Liquorice Legs → It was a nice try, but it is time for this liquorice tea to grow some legs of its own and walk away..

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  1. Chocolate tea → The question is… Why is this a thing? You have hot-chocolate and then you have your tea. This has the potential to be worse than vegemite chocolate…

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Iced Tea vs. Hot Tea

Before we begin this heated debate…

Chatime… truly an incredible find! Mr Bryan Loo, founder of Chatime, I lift my cup to you. This is a business that in our eyes, is more prominent than Starbucks..(well getting there..). It is a place where you can get both hot tea and iced tea, made fresh before your eyes and is sealed in a beautiful cup at literally the push of a button. Such an incredible place… What’s more is that you can choose toppings if you want them, or how you want your sugar and ice. Is that not the tea dream?

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If Chatime isn’t your thing, though, it’s okay, because there are plenty of other places to get iced tea. Lipton is the most well-known brand for their range of flavoured iced teas:

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However, T2 also make an interesting range of icy blends – and you can even go into their stores and try some of them! Or, you can even make your own! Homemade iced tea, in our humble opinion, is definitely the best iced tea around; if it’s well-made from a secret family recipe, it can even rival hot tea!!

Although, if one is a tea purist or cares about their health (the amount of sugar in iced tea… even if it tastes like heaven…) then hot, fresh tea is the way to go. The sheer number of tea brands in the world is overwhelming and if we were to name them all we’d be here for hours! So, here are a just a couple of our favourites:

  • T2 → This well-loved brand is a little more ‘indie’ than some of the more conventional tea makers out there, specialising in exotic (but *usually* tasty) blends for every imaginable person or occasion.
  • Lipton → You really can’t go wrong with this classic brand! They have everything from the basic English Breakfast or Camomile to more exotic fruity concoctions.
  • Twinings → Probably the most easily found tea brand, you can get almost any flavour (barring some of the more… exotic ones) from your local supermarket

To sum up: iced tea is preferable to hot tea for those of us with a sweet tooth (or twenty-eight), but for those of us who are concerned with heritage, hot tea is most definitely the way to go!! Really, though, a healthy diet of both hot and iced tea is the only way to live your life to the fullest.

Tea-Drinking Schedule

(Must be followed to a ‘t’ for complete enjoyment)

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Books to read with your tea:

  • ‘Catcher in the Rye’, by D. Salinger → ‘Builders’ brew,’ a strong black tea with a dash of milk (or something stronger)
  • ‘Heart of Darkness’, by Joseph Conrad → Black tea. Dark as your corrupted and primitive soul…
  • ‘The Chronicles of Narnia’, by CS Lewis → To quote the author himself, “You can never get a cup of tea large enough… to suit me” – so drink whatever takes your fancy, just make sure it’s in a bucket-sized mug!
  • ‘1984’, by George Orwell: You don’t have a choice; this is a one-parTEA state. (Tea is also rationed, so sorry, but you’ll have to go without while reading this one)
  • ‘The Great Gatsby’, by Scott Fitzgerald → Soothing camomile is best when reading this rather bleak (but thoroughly enjoyable) novella
  • ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’, by Douglas Adams → Go to T2 and count the teas on the shelf, buy the 42nd one you come across. You’ll get the joke when you’ve read the book.
  • ‘We Need to Talk About Kevin’, by Lionel Shriver → An energising english breakfast is perfect while reading this eye-opening novel
  • ‘A Farewell To Arms’, by Ernest Hemingway → Tea? You must be joking… at least add something stronger to it
  • ‘The Lord of the Rings Trilogy’/’The Hobbit’, by JRR Tolkien → There’s nothing like a good hot cup of tea in your cosy hobbithole, whatever blend it is.
  • ‘Les Misérables’. by Victor Hugo → We recommend whichever tea you find most comforting because this one is a tad on the depressing side
  • ‘The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time’, by Mark Haddon → English Breakfast (with a splash of canine blood, if it takes your fancy)
  • ‘The Man Who Would Be King’ by Rudyard Kipling → A nice rooibos blend would work perfectly with this great read
  • ‘Sherlock Holmes’ by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle → MoriarTEA.
  • ‘White Noise’ by Don DeLillo → This book is a little on the strange side so pick an unusual-sounding tea that you’ve never tried before and give it a go
  • ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ by Margaret Atwood → A sweet herbal tea to reinvigorate and rejuvenate your soul
  • ‘Alice in Wonderland’ by Lewis Carroll → This book is best read with something fruity – maybe a peach infusion? Or a strawberries and cream? Have a tea party with your closest rodent friends.
  • ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’, by Harper Lee → This one is more of an iced tea than a hot tea so pick your favourite flavour and get comfy, maybe a peachy flavour?
  • ‘The Divine Comedy’ by Dante Alighieri → Although it’s on our “do not drink” list, Russian Caravan has a particularly fiery taste and would be most appropriate

[For further reading material, please see your closest English teacher for great recommendations]

by Anasteasia Klasen, Eteanor Cooper and Hope Hytea

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