By Kat Pauly, Year 11

 

Week 1 of the Bachelor 2017

On Wednesday the 26th of July the beloved Bachelor returned with possibly the most anticipated star Matty Johnson. Those who are dedicated fans, like myself, and even those who are not would be aware that Matty was on the Bachelorette 2016 and came runner up. Sadly, Georgia Love broke his heart on the finale night and all of Australia’s with a gut- wrenching rejection. However, he came back, hotter than ever and open to finding love once again. Within the first half an hour here is what I learnt about the bachelor himself.

  • He is 30 years old and works in marketing
  • Is extremely fit and doesn’t mind a shirtless opportunity
  • Beach goer
  • Good with kids- is currently the fun uncle but has dad potential
  • Doesn’t like cutting avocado, my guess is he has trouble getting the seed out, relatable
  • Protective family and fair enough after his last public love hunt

 

Episode 1 Recap: Meeting the Girls

The first night, as usual is dedicated to meeting the girls who will be competing for Matty’s heart. Competing isn’t the best word but if you’ve seen the past seasons you know that this isn’t a polite or boring source of entertain. It is full of shade and drama where the girls attack one another for the bachelor’s attention, snaking him from one another to remind him they still exist, so yes it is a competition. First impressions are everything on the first night because the rose ceremony that follows is normally based off that impression, and maybe a sneaky five-minute conversation you had with the bachelor at the cocktail party. Honourable entrances go to the love coach Belinda who made for a painfully awkward minute of television but tired her best, Michelle who went all cop when she rocked up in a police car, Tara who friend zoned herself by calling Matty “mate” and “buddy” (that could be a problem) and lastly what had to be the best entrance made by Akoulina a gymnastics coach, who twirled herself in ribbons and “wrapped herself up and presented herself as a gift” to Matty.

(Side Note: brunettes are once again a minority amongst the blondes and yes I am salty about that)

As far as who Matty appeared to have a connection with I would suggest that Lisa the model, Laura the accessories designer and Cobie the coal- plant operator are leading favourites. Speaking of Laura, I might just mention she looks quite similar to a certain heartbreaker we are all familiar with……

The night then progressed to the famous cocktail parties where the alcohol is free and the filters are non- existent. During the night girls introduce themselves and begin to formulate little groups in which they share comments regarding the other girls, and tonight one specific comment about a dress came out. Elizabeth made a comment about Jen’s dress claiming it was “putrid” which is was as she was wearing white and the bottom had trailed in the mud, however Jen did not realise this. For a girl who claims “she stays away from drama”, Jen definitely did not stay true to her words. She’s only been at the house an hour and is in tears, stating that Elizabeth is the cruellest person she has ever met. Naturally Jen teams up with this seasons Kiera, Leah, to plot the exclusion of Elizabeth from the running. Drama, drama, drama.

If it wasn’t already so chaotic let’s throw in a fire dancing intruder, who is hardly an intruder because everyone’s been at the house for a hot minute. Queue exotic intruder and the girl’s hysterical reactions to another competitor. Thanks Osher for the head up.

SPOILER ALERT (but let’s be honest if you haven’t watched it yet you probably won’t)

The girls sent home the first night

  • Monica (Medical Receptionist)
  • Stacey (Gym Instructor)

 

Episode 2: Highlights

Single Date

So the fire dancing intruder Elora received the first date and boy were the other girls unimpressed. Turns out the best way to make a good impression and land a date is to shimmy with a dangerous object (don’t try that at home). The first day was out on the water, please note Matty is a beach goer so expect to see a lot of water this season. They caught a classy boat out to the middle of the ocean, stripped down to their budgies and took the plunge (relationship pun ha). They spent the rest of their time rubbing arms, gazing into one another’s eyes, with not a lot of words exchanged and surprisingly no kiss. Matty is such a gentleman. However, Elora was given a rose cause that’s Bachelor law, to go on a single date one must either be presented a rose or shipped away never to return to the house. Of course upon returning the other girls grill her about the date and what they talked about but really they just want to know if they had a good snog.

Group Date

A bit of dress up never hurt. Unless you’re Jen watching from the sidelines looking like she’d been hit my lighting. She really is not a favourite of mine but the producers must not like her at all if they seriously thought that was a good look for her. Can we also take a minute to appreciate the genuine humour that is Natalie. Please compare her laugh to a video of a goat screaming and I promise they sound identical.  She was just so carefree and willing to look like a fool. I don’t know how much Matty appreciated it but I surely did. The girls were all divided into smaller groups and given a theme where they would pose for photos with Matty. Like last year there is always one girl who receives an individual photo with Matty and shockingly it was Leah. My honest opinion. Matty is only keeping her around because the network know that her savage and arrogant nature will hook the viewers in. Really we all know Matty deserves better. Speaking of which, during their photo shoot Leah goes in for a sly ‘I’m gonna kiss you for the photo but really it’s to upset the other girls’ and Matty PULLS AWAY. He claims it’s because they have an audience, which is true every girl on the date is openly staring at the two, but he pulled away because he also wishes to not present her with a rose.  But you know she will receive one for the ratings.

Lisa’s mini individual date rundown

  • They play tennis
  • Matty pretends to be a terrible serve so Lisa helps him (he just wanted an excuse to get close to her let’s be real)
  • Then they get in the pool (so far that’s two times in an hour Matty has been shirtless. This season will be great)
  • They throw cream at one another
  • Matty calls Lisa beautiful a million times
  • She blushes
  • He gives her a rose
  • No kiss

Cocktail Party/ Rose Ceremony

Return of the terrible two, Jen and her minion Leah. Tonight their target is no longer Elizabeth, but that grudge still remains, instead it’s Elora…. I wonder why? With minion Leah next to her, Jen begins to troll Elora, who hits Jen with the harsh truth, “I don’t think you’re very nice”.

Jen is the definition of shook. She’s just out here, pretending to sip from another empty wine glass, getting into everyone’s business, causing drama and is acting as if this is legitimately the first time someone has insinuated that she isn’t the number one gal to call for a good time. Before Jen gets the chance to throw the contents of her empty glass at Elora, which is expected and highly civilised, the rose ceremony is called. The final two were Leah and Laura- Ann. No surprise the brunette leaves and Leah stays to occupy another hour of my life I will never get back.

 

 

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